You silly boys at the Bar

Tonight I went to bar with some girlfriends, to you know, get a drink and bitch about how life is just so not fair these days. One drink lead to six and I found myself on the dance floor dropping it down to some old school Madonna. Good girl's night. I was wearing plaid, it was rainy so I had the frizz going on, I pretty much looked like a drunk Liberian. So as I was getting my "towark" as the college kids say ( 2003 style) on and some "man" came behind me and started rubbing his junk all over my butt like he was Chris Brown or something. I looked at him and told him "Thank but no thanks!" and he completely shrugged an ignored me. He then proceed to do some butt humping without approval.... interesting, I thought, I remember telling him to get F off of me. I smiled, being the sweet southern Belle that I am, and slowly shimmed my way away from his manhood, and you know what he did... took it up a notch and grabbed my waist. In shock, I danced. I accepted the defeat and thought maybe this can be like a friend dance.. you know, he doesn't want anything out of it except for some good ol' entertainment. Umm no that is not how it worked out. He danced until he was done with me and moved to the next chick who looked slightly drunk and liberal. Whoa! I was doing this guy a favor with this sympathy dance, and he moved on so quickly? I was furious, used, and kindof wanted to get all feminist on him. I mean when did it become acceptable for a guy to assume a dance? I mean I might sound old right now, but seriously if you are going to shake your stuff all over me at least say "My name is ........,?" and maybe ask for the dance? Is that too much to ask?

Running

Running is a religious experience for me.

I dont know why, but when Im running with my ipod in my ear on a trail, I feel more connected to god then any other time. My head is clear and I appreciate everything that that he provided for me. I havnt run in a very long time. This post may be lame, but I needed it, because I have felt so disconnected lately.

So as all of you know I am reaching a cross road in my life and dont really know the next step to take. My mom suggested that I just pray and an answer would come to me, I just have to trust that it will happen. Not to be a pessimistic but how is this suppose to happen. Is there really a God out there that has my life planned out who will protect me and guide me? Sounds unlikely, I mean what have I done for him?

As I was running I stopped and sat on a bench just to take it all in. I wanted to do something the I havnt done in a long time, just pray. stop. breathe. All of a sudden I saw that I was surrounded by all these ducks in the middle of the city. I watched people stop and notice the beauty, take a a picture, and keep on going. It is refreashing to see people in a city stop. I really tried to connect with God and dont know if I felt him, I wanted that spirituality that I am missing. I felt this same way as I stood at the Wailing Wall in Israel. You come to this moment and you expect something to happen and it doesn't, and it makes you feel all alone again. Then I looked down and there was an old Dollar at my foot, I picked It up, and saw the words that I have seen a middle times "In God we Trust" and I knew that everything would work out. I just have to have faith.

Oh Farmville... I freakin Hate you!

I think that I may be addicted to Farmville! Im so pissed... i hate that game!

Let me explain why this is a problem..

Two years ago I graduated college. That "grande accomplishment" lead me to a new state, Where I thought I would fall right into adulthood. Bring it world, I have a Degree I can handle whatever challenge you throw at me! Ha what a joke... no college meet more free time.. more time to smooze, drink some tequila, and shop... yes, I still think that I might be able to save to world, however with this new found freedom i just wanted to have as much fun as possible.
Now although this whirlwind of drunkin post-college hedonism was fun, it was not so much fulfilling. My responsibility included:

1. Paying rent...
2. Remember to keep everyone drinks full at the bar I worked at and
3. Look for fabulous jobs where I would be paid to travel and everyone would rave about how smart/witty/amazing I was....

I felt like my contribution to (wo)man kind may have been minimal. I started feeling somewhat maternal, that it was time for me to take care of something, have some kind responsibility. Since I tend to be commitment phobe, I decided a good start to might be to get a fish. I named him Paco.

Paco was pretty cute, he was a Beta so he had that multi-colored thing going for him. I feed him everyday, cleaned his bowl and stuff, Showed people that "No, I am not completely selfish. (?)" Everything was fine, Paco seemed happy, I as happy, my room mate she was happy, A little fake family away from home, and then it happened. His Eye popped out! Just popped out one day, and then he ate it! I had this living creator in my care and I some how managed to make his Eye fall out and drive him to cannibalism.... Thank god I didn't get a Dog. Paco jumped out his bowl about a month later. I like to think that it had something to do with the fact that he could not see where he was swimming, but i think that it might of been a case of Fish suicide.

I laid off on getting a pet for awhile. I figured the timing just wasn't right... I got a couple of cacti, unfortunately they died also, but I blame that on the weather.

And then Farmville came along. I do not play computer games, never have. I more of a social kindof person. However one Day at the work (I got a "real job" FYI... and by "real job" I mean I get health insurance even though it may have cost my soul) A customer called wanting to return her $2000 computer because she could not figure out how to play her beloved Farmville on her new machine. I explained that she would have a restocking fee of $150, but this lady did not care. She was on a mission to harvest her crops. I figured that I must check this game out. It most be amazing to have that dedicated of a fan.

I played, it was lame... I have crops, some animals, and little virtual neighbors that need their little farmvilles fertilized, and I cant stop playing and it infuriates me! I feel like I cant just let my little farmville wither away. Maybe it is in ode to Paco, and my shear determination to keep something alive other then myself, but as I scale the levels I cant help but smile and think I made a commitment and sticking to it, even if it is virtually retarded.

Why travel Kicks the A

My mom went overseas and i couldn't happier for her! That is one thing I think us as American's neglect... International Travel. I will never forget the my backpacking adventure I took in college. I loved being apart of another culture, the food, the romance, the challenge... absolutely the best thing I have ever done. It molded me as a person and gave me the confidence that I could accomplish ANYTHING. I went by myself.. I didn't know any other languages, didn't have a plan, Just went with the flow. The people I meet on the trip lead me to my next destination. FREEDOM!

I am addicted to travel and would give it all up to do it again. I think the every fellow traveler would do the same, it is a lifestyle. My mom was so angry at me during my whole hiatus. She would cry on the phone, laid on that Jewish guilt harder then a Rabbi, begged,for me to come back, to stop being reckless to act like a "Responsible adult." Understandable, I mean I would call randomly to let her know that I was still alive and when she asked "What next" I would shrug, smile, and give some smart ass answer.

5 years later she decided it was her turn. She just got back from Israel. She announced to me that it was life changing. She danced around Israel like a child in a candy shop. She snagged samples of every rock, twig, olive, "relic"/trash to bring home, just to have that physical reminded of the trip she has waited a lifetime to take.

I couldn't be prouder!

For anyone planning a trip overseas I would love to help. Just let me know! I can recommend hostels, cities, and even how to get a job in a foreign country.

If you want to know who I am

1. I am scared of heights and I went sky diving... On of the best things that I have ever done!

2. I love Mac and Cheese and make the best in the world.. not to brag or anything : ) But it is pretty amazing!

3. I hate that I am never satisfied. I always want more out of life! Always Always up for an adventure and am always up to travel anywhere. This seems like a good quality but it is not, because I find myself awfully lonely sometimes, just because I wanted an adventure.

4. I used to write... all the time.. but I don't anymore and that makes me sad.

5. My sisters are my best friends, We are completely different from each other, we don’t talk as much as we used too, but I think of them everyday and wish they where here in Texas with me. Adri can convince me of anything and I love how creative and fun she is! Lauryn and wise beyond her years, level headed and her sense of empathy toward other people radiates her inner beauty. They will never know how much they shaped my life.

6. I have only owned one pet since I have been on my own. It was a fish and his eyeballs fell out for some reason... R.I.P Paco : (

7. My friends are the most important people to me, and I see them as family! I think that I pretty much have the most badass friends that you can have. And they are all crazy fun, brilliant, sincere ( the most important quality I look for in a friend) and lovers of life.

8. I am very forgetful about little things... I usually have to depend on my friends to remember pass words, schedules, and you know all those boring things... however when it comes to events that happen in my life I can remember everything to a tee... It is like my secret talent. Especially after a night out on the town. My friends are always asking me what happened. I think that it is my journalist in me.

9. I always have running away and joining the peace corps in the back of my head. Seriously I have filled out the application and have been working on the essay for like 2 years. I am always on Idealist.com looking for some adventure that will take me to a far- off place where I can "change the world." I feel hypercritical because I love to shop.

10. I used to bartend in Ios Greece. It was fun but not even a little bit as glamorous as it seems. I mean I had to take a shower with flip flops on for g-d sakes! But the whole experience thought me how to become assertive, self sufficient , and gave me a really bad case of the travel bug.

11. I am a romantic but never let anyone get close to me, because I am terrified of getting my heart broken.... It's weird, I know.

12. I love rain, a big porch, and red wine... combined is the best day ever. It reminds me of TN in the Spring... I see myself living there again..

13. I can not spell at all! I use etc..... more then I should, and my grammar makes my mother cringe! I was an Journalism major and an English minor... Scary!

14. Sometimes I look at myself and don't even recognize myself anymore and that really scares me and I don’t know what to do.. Is that a Debbie Downer comment?

15. I think my friend Josh is the funniest person I have ever met..

16. I laugh all the time. Especially when I’m nervous and at inappropriate moments. Oh and when I accidentally hurt someone.... Laughing is the last thing I want to do, but it just comes out and I cant stop it. When I’m in an awkward situation all I can think to do is make a joke.

17. I am a huge airhead! It is genetic. My first day at Dell they had a introduction of all the new colored computers and there creative names... There where about 100 people in the room... the lady asked what we thought the name was of the red computer.. and I said "Apple." Point proven, huge air head!

18. I can not bowl or mini golf.. and I hate those dumb "sports"

19. I am very competitive .. sorry! So is my mom, you should see us playing a game against each other.. its bad : ) Oh and Adri and I on a same team for a game are un-stoppable!

20. I can not drive at all. I think it is only when other people are in the car. I swear I am not that bad when I am alone.

21.I miss serving tables and bar tending.... I have to be around people at all times. I think that I am too social for my own good. I can not stand sitting at home and watching TV. For some reason I get nervous thinking about starting a family and not being able to have fun anymore... I don’t like admitting that, but it is true.

22. I love meeting new people! I find great joy in it! you are always surprised because no one is ever like you expect them to be. I can talk to anyone I think... I am a very curious person, and genuinely want to get to know everyone...even the ones that others don’t like.

23. I love to fish. My dad used to take me when I was little, and it will always remind me of him. My dad is a great man, and I am totally a daddies girl.

24. I broke my arm in 2nd grade trying to protect my boyfriend who was getting beat up on the play ground. It was my right arm and I had a bowling (maybe this is why I hate bowling) birthday party the next week, and I couldn't even play! This is one of the only times I saw my dad cry.. I was getting pushed into the operating room and looked at him and said "Dad if I don’t make it I love you." My dad was in his full military gear crying as I got carted away.

25. I really want a tattoo but I think that I am too big a wimp. I passed out when I got my last piercing. I cried when I got stitches this summer... My sister Adri is bad ass for being able to face pain!

Oh how hate working in a corporate world...

Catch me while I fall

Fall fall fall

Catch me while I fall

Out of this world.

I hated what I became

Fat with greed and fat with fat

Object represent “accomplishments””

Mocking mocking mocking

Mocking the world I live in.

I loved to fall in love

Beautiful dreamy love

Please let me fall in love

All that it will solve….

my dreamers dream has died

I cried cried cried

When I knew my dreamers soul had died

I have no more pride